Just Floating

I'm at this stage in my life where I feel like I'm in a transition. An unwanted transition from child to adult.

Ok, let me backtrack for a second.

I'm Ellie.
Hello.
Welcome to my blog.
Since this is my first post on this blog - and since I haven't blogged anywhere in a few years - I decided it would be good to give this blog a bit of perspective in this first post. So here's a little insight into my life right now and my current mental state: mostly exams, revision, responsibility panic panic PANIC.

So like I was saying, I'm 17. 17 is that awkward age caught between the two milestones of 16 and 18. I feel like I am on the cusp of full adulthood (I have my provisional drivers' licence, I will be off to uni in just over a year, I'll be able to vote and go clubbing and do all those things adults do soon). I've also been given a shit tonne more responsibility since leaving high school. One of the hardest things to get to grips with: time management. Time suddenly goes a lot more quickly when you actually have things to fill it with funnily enough.

But lurking in with the things to look forward to about being a recognised adult under the law is a sense of sadness that childhood is essentially over. And too soon may I just say. I don't know about everyone else but amidst all the schoolwork and work-work I've got going on, I find it so hard to scrape together enough time to do the little things that I properly used to enjoy. I used to spend whole days reading or drawing or writing cute little stories. I like to hope that the creative streak within me isn't lost. But it has certainly been neglected pretty much since GCSE. And I feel bad about that (part of the reason for setting up this blog on a spontaneous whim to be honest).

As I already touched on, university is also on the horizon. And don't get me wrong, I am excited about it. I think it will honestly be so good for me (people have a habit of getting too comfortable in one stage of their life). But its also a little scary. Unknown territory.

I guess the bit that saddens me the most is feeling like I haven't had time to stop and live in the moment. I've gone from GCSE straight into A Levels, and those have barely started before I'm off ordering prospectuses and visiting the different uni colleges. There is no rest period; I am "just floating" as a teacher in my sixth form once said to me.

 It might just be the friends I hang out with, but I feel like our conversations at this age often take on a nostalgic note. People will launch into anecdotes about friendships from Year 8. I sit down in the canteen to hear my friends having heated debates about which Disney song is the best and how Mulan 2 definitely wasn't as good as the first one (but The Little Mermaid 2 was alright). Only today in my English class there was an animated discussion about our favourite childhood TV shows. These kinds of things come up more often than you might think. And I suppose you'd have to say this is because I'm not alone in feeling like I'm transitioning. We all want to hold onto those little bits of childhood that filled us with nothing but a pure kind of unadulterated happiness.

But for now we're just floating.

Well I guess that's it from me for now. This post may seem to ramble; I literally just wrote what I was thinking. I have a habit of doing that - what I would call a "funny five minutes" of random thought process. There will probably be a lot more where that came from on this blog. So happy reading! :D