Cat Calls and Wolf Whistles

This post is a little more serious than usual. So little disclaimer ** I admit that I am a very opinionated person. Part of why I have this blog is to be able to share my views on issues that provoke a strong reaction in me and that I feel are important. All these opinions are my own based on my experiences and knowledge and in no way are meant to offend anyone. I don't mean to generalise and speak for all girls and about all boys. I am not expecting everyone reading this to agree with me, but please respect that these are my personal views just as I would respect anyone else's **

 

 

When I was a little younger, I heard stories from older girls about being the subject of unwanted male attention. I saw it all the time in the media as well. But I always kind of thought in the back of my mind "nah, that wouldn't really happen to me."

 

Now I'm older and wiser and I have enough experience to know that was an incorrect assumption to make. I've been whistled at, spoken to by random men in the street and on the tube and been given suggestive looks. This is blatant objectification. And each time it surprises me. Sometimes it even makes me angry or scared.

 

As a young woman, I am old enough to go everywhere by myself without adult supervision and without needing any guy to protect me. But I also deserve to feel safe when I do this, which is why it saddens me that we still seem to be living in a society where men think it is OK to approach women like this.

 

 

What sparked me to write about this today was something that happened yesterday morning: I was walking to school when my friend ran into me at a corner. She was flustered and said to me she was glad she'd found someone to walk with because a van had been circling around her whilst she was on her own. Then when we were walking together this same van drove past us and stopped in the street a few metres ahead. A guy who must have been 20 something stuck his head out of the window and was calling to my friend. All I could understand was "beautiful girl" but my friend didn't even look at him. Cars started beeping and she just wanted to get away so I linked arms with her and we walked.

This guy had stalked her round a block and then stopped traffic to try and get her attention. She was not responsive the first time but he still persisted. How is that OK?

 

My second instinctive reaction was actually to laugh. And she was like "why are you laughing Ellie, it's not funny" but it wasn't a laugh out of humour, it was a laugh out of disbelief. Yes, this particular friend is stunning, but she wasn't wearing a short skirt, her boobs were not out and this wasn't late at night without anyone else around, so even those lame excuses for this inappropriate behaviour cannot be used here.

 

So I can now only assume that incidents like these are more frequent than probably a lot of people, including myself, realise. Women are still targeted in a sexual way. My friend could raise this incident with the police because of the nature of it. Who knows how many vulnerable girls get stopped by vans and don't deal with it as well as she did? I also cannot help but wonder if this guy (and so many others) would have been so brave if my friend had been walking with a 6ft boy at her side. That is a toxic combination of objectification and sexism right there.

 

Am I explaining myself clearly? Maybe it's better if I break it down like this:

 

There is a difference between love and lust, flirting and stalking, attraction and disinterest, mutual friends and strangers in the street. And there are no blurred lines.

 The simple fact of it is, if a girl is made to feel uncomfortable by a guy's unwanted advances (this could be verbal, physical, emotional whatever) then this is not OK. And I can't speak personally for if the genders were reversed or in LGBT situations but it may also apply here.

And yes, it will depend on the individual people and the environment as to whether a pick up line is seen as cute or creepy. But i think anyone would agree that a cute guy at a party is different from a stranger in the street. What men think they will realistically achieve from cat calls and wolf whistles, I do not know.

 

The bottom line is that to assume is to risk misjudging the situation.

 

So boys, if you see a random girl that you like the look of in the street, do her a favour and - to paraphrase Dory - **just keep walking**